The Birth Plan


Lie #73: The Birth Plan

I had so many moms ask me when I was pregnant if I had a “birth plan.” Wut.

If you’re coming into this thing for the first time, prepare yourself. People are going to ask if you have a birth plan, how you plan to give birth, and trust me when I say that the most personal questions about your anatomy will be fair game.

Will you have a Cesarean section? Or do you plan to give birth vaginally? Are you going all-natural or are you planning to get an epidural? Do you want to be induced or are you going to let things progress naturally? Are you going to give birth at home, in the hospital, or at a birthing center? Are you going to hire a doula? Wait, you don’t know what a doula is? OH MY GOD. Wait. Are you thinking of having a water birth? OMG you haven’t written any of your wishes down?!?

And if you are stupid enough (*raises hand here*) to provide an answer or even a hint of an opinion one way or the other, you can rest assured that will be the WRONG BIRTH PLAN. Continue reading

“I’m telling you… it won’t stink!”

There’s a lot of advice you’re given when you’re about to become a parent for the first time. Most is unsolicited, so prepare yourself, but most of it is well-meaning and comes from a place of kindness.

Kind of like the lady who told me that if the baby was pushing down on me too hard, that I should get on all fours, arch my back like a cat, breathe in deeply (are you visualizing an 8 month pregnant woman doing this? PLEASE DO), and then slowly exhale. “Letcher belly just flop down!” She told me this complete with a step-by-step example… in public… with lots of people watching. See? I told you… unsolicited but mostly well-meaning.

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